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| The attempt to build myself in this age of sellabrity. Through this construct we call of a social market. |
Time to self-reinforce my habbit.
The muse, the driving force of how it works. There has to be a summoning ritual.
I try my best to go to the gym to maximize physical longevity. Even if I was the last person, I'd still go, in as much as my craft of doing my work. Of macho gay.
As i return home, i attempt to shoehorn a hour of lifelong learning so i use these platforms prudently so i don't become the product. Trying to know the game these platforms play so that I'm playing it for me and my collaboration, not for the advertisers funding it. So my attention is in control.
Then erm, networking. It's not important, it's urgent. Out of some desire once again.
There's networking and then there's (cussy link) "networking.". Opportunities and "Opportunities", if it's free, that does not make it good or bad, it has to be treated by a case by case approach. Trying to break even.
I'm not sure if I can, yet I attempt to, to make a difference for a few, begone commercial world and its adcreep. I'll have to find the best deal and fairest price to block it all out to build for something that matters.
Also, I'm not sure if the time I spend, with the opportunities spent, networking online will pay off. (Emphasis on work, after all). I have to measure its impact accordingly. I have to.l Don't want to be infantilized otherwise.
Sometimes networking feels alright, sometimes it feels like this. I don't know, yet I share. One has to find the smallest viable audience to proceed. Viable causeing the most strain.
Can't work more hours, including networking. No reliable metric for it, yet it's still done. Off it goes. Once I'm out of age and patience, I may not do creative writing there.
Then I go, go to attempt to use an app blocker, so I can attempt to force all the attention into one single point. My work to seek to serve. I'm immensely privileged despite being aneurotypical with disabilities. I must use this status to help those up. The solvency used to inspire.
It's not like it's going to be the end of the world if I don't work. I do need a sweet discovery though to prove myself something to an existence. To clock in the hours and out with the best mise en place I can muster.
I must fight something, Steven Pressfield calls it resistance, some self-help gurus call it the amygdala, (although that's proven wrong). Shawn Coyne calls it brain 1.0.
I call it the yak shaving. Fiddling the attention into smaller and smaller parcels. The lack of concentration of the attention economy to a point.
Close the curtains, close the door. Time to make a world at the closure of everything else, territorial.
Then, through concentration to do it my territory, others can join in and converse.
4-7 hours attention spent on my work, not streaming. 3-4 hours attention spent on streaming. Not sure how long I'll keep this streaming streak up, 327 today. That's a very rough quantification of time spent, to make something that matters. Those hours may not jibe with other schedules, though. These hours aren't accurate.
I've served my ways for existence. For myself first, for something shippable to an audience second. If it doesn't ship, doesn't count.
That's it, I can't transcend physical exhaustion, I sleep.