Cushy Peacock in 3 dimensions

 Drained from the sex scene I've articulated with nine pages, this blender vacation is an eye-opening of how to stimulate a new section.

Words terms circulate that I'm still understand the remarkability of such concepts:

Quads, Tri-gons and Ngons, Poles, supporting loops, voxel, booleans, solidfy, topology and retopoligized, Vortexes and edges and planes. All that in-terminology you'd now dare announce if you'd copyright to catch advertisement.

Stuff that can be categorized and used to make sense, into hard-surface modelling and sculpting for all the 3d designer to see then-

My mother called with an impromptu pub carvery visit to here birthday with her sister. It was so sudden, so I decided to polite fully decline due to it having nothing to be agreed on. Doing the best method possible to preserve the relationship. Understandable, her sister's daughter could eat anything from the carvery, despite with the ordered couldn't be eaten.

I did not miss out, They did not miss out. Did I disappoint myself, though? Later, after the carvery, there was a stuffed peacock keyring as a shared present. I look at it, as I become something else with it. In terms of what a 3d modeller sees.

Note reductionism, to not write it down.

All those notes, getting reduced to a singular point. Some of them are.

"None of it matters if you don't TURN scenes"

"The most important and least important; writing"

They all centre more to writing as the wash of artistic techniques are merely that, tools. The how of displaying a service fades in the comparison of the why. The how of hackneyed displaying can't compare with a clear, driven point of view that transcends our visions to new aesthetic heights and edifying inquiries.

Into a funnel of points of attention and writing down, where the clearness gets clearer, the help gets seen, and the real is even realer of sensational uncovering.

There's another time where I throw my notes into the bin, with a crisper vision than before. Maybe they will be no notes.

Birthday hubub

As I write my cards and treat somebody special. I think of the service industry and how faceless that can be, with how people don't care for the face value of the service workers. Who have no birthday to them.

Turkish Delight and a golden card, things for having this solvency is important, things to help keep this hobby afloat. It's not about the money any more though, it's this sweet little love they give and how they give it.

He said thanks for the card and chocolates, she said thanks for the card even when I spoiled the illustration. That's all one can do. With that, love is all there. Familial feeling, that's fortunate. These kinds of dates don't last.

Thank you.

Indescript Bird's Nest

Drawover of lines of photo from my smartphone.

Look at that.

It's a bird nest from the garage from the groundhog day, it's a quaint groundhog day and constructing a lifestyle around the art I'd like to do.

There was a quick swipe, Theft of two laptops with not my wallet being swiped, from the car number was red-handed. The thief is going to be seen. Everything needs somebody, reasons I cannot think.

A little bird's nest from the burglary that happened, luckily nothing to my production that happened. I'll be watching it, though. That moment of watching the birds being careful with what they've got. It's bliss.

That bird real showed me how to live for that moment when I was trying to calm my temper with walks. Being slumbering within the forest construct of billowed smothering.

I don't know if it's a song bird, what type. Do I need to know? He's made his own life with the way I've built mine, It's something that could be called a home or a way of being. Let me look at it, and move on, the temper is gone.

Our cat, passed many years

That clambering fluffy furball that was a rest on the calves at midnight. Purring like a mad little trickster that it was. This tuxedo cat had a white splotch of fur on her muzzle.

She came abandoned from the house up the hills, that was made with a pity ad she was lured in with food. She came with love, yet the time and months came when they had to shave her stomach.

With the mess that was made onto the walls and furniture, with the scratching post made

Several years ago. A cat like that is now ashes, along with the scratched wallpaper, you merely deal with it as it becomes a strangers memory of feeling to others, then it goes into the sink of what we come from.

Remember the name, Rhubarb, with numerous years of purring madness.

Slice of Life Hourly Comics

I've never heard of the hourly comics before this day, it's only this time. Big world. So this time I'd make a slice of life in all of its glorious non-genre. I'ma slice of cake kind of guy, yet this feels like a challenge. At Feb 2, at:

7:00:

I wake up to my groggy self, it's another gym day. I can't remove myself from my gym schedule. Everybody is on Bluesky showing off their hourly comics. Whut?? Me? Do this in an evening? With reduced rendering and semiotics. I was already thinking of doing it, doing the math to what can be accomplished.

8:10 :

Overnight oats, thawed frozen raspberries and casein powder. Black coffee with creatine. Listening to a forbidden romance called Lolita. It's creepy and gut churning as I'm reaching the end of the chapters. I don't know if I turn my face to disgust yet fascination.

8:30:

Weather back to normal, it's passable.

10:30:

Romanian deadlifts at a corporate gym, for my back. I'm resensitizing my back with 97.5 kgs at a deficit. Followed by quad extensions, then leg lateral work at the machines. Humbert from the novel gets called out for his crimes, and it's something indescribable, I can't compartmentalize it. As I return to listen towards to soundtrack for UTOPIA, to let the feeling of creep over me to the remaining exercises.

11:00:

Time to move toward making notes on my smartphone, entering in blog-posts to edit. The coldness is calming as I switch on twitch on my phone and watch a pin-up artist Zhangku do fanart of Papa and Foxy.

11:40

Prepared a frozen yogurt mango in the freezer, Toffee popcorn and whipped cream on top. I enter with the shower with double entendres going on, so within the twitch Redeems and spam the bonk button to shush the streamer.

Shower time! Lavender shower gel is my favourite. More coffee.

12:20:

Time to read romantic tropes and it's origins within fairytales with the Beast and the Blonde, A chapter on stepmothers by Marina Warner. Wrote in my journal of my bullet points of what went well. 

1:20:

Work on my comic.
From NSFW of my reference sheets. With the residue of my bigger projects on my mind. It's this comic now, based on an impulse.

4:30: 

Dinner time, I dethawed chicken, with cheddar cheese. With guacamole pre-maid and salsa in the fridge. Half a bag of nachos.

5:00: 

I decide to talk with somebody special within this shared household. There was good news regarding a baby with a family member, I reciprocated by sharing some familial love back.

5:20:

Teeth brushing tip, the undergums need attending to. Inverteing the brush helps

Did this in the morning.

6:00

With the work, that's it, Time to work push head with minimal production values. Done. I'm publishing this thing at 10:56

11:00: 

After publishing this work. I commence myself at bed. This privilege and this sleep schedule will need work, I'm done, though. With thoughts going out like a light. I try to put out the thoughts of if this practice becoming a living, that's up to the market.

The pesky, finite resource, economics, everybody's talking about it again.

Thoughts drift, this is the sleep opportunity i can give. Can't work more hours.

12:00: Exhaustion Overwhelms.

The day afterwards, with the edit. I adjust my posting software to check for errors.

F-List Past reawoken

5 min sketch

I've reopened by F-list character to make NSFW commissioning easier.

It's my past, this site is mainly a kink site where it hosts kinks for others to see. I had to resort too much of it to overcome the loneliness of my day job playing mobas.

Now it's there, the numbers, the face that this account has ten years of cold-calling and propositioning other writers towards what's like the ubers of kink writing.

Nothing gets any discovery and customer traction there, it's a secret hobbyists escape of otherworldly desires. A platform of connection and inner ID spelunking. Nothing but the dark recesses there.

Thankfully, the ghosting there was safe and noncommittal. You didn't feel ripped off other than the time investment.

Mainly going to use it for paid work till the servers go down.

Comfort bombing Shell games

To repeat a maxim from the 1930s, if you don't watch your business, somebody else will, and they may not be your friend.

Somebody, anybody could siphon off the funds, discovery, and entertainment value and leave you dry with a ghost. All for not honoring the deal. They may even take the solvency. All a matter of tenure to them and not to others.

The wild west of the internet is what it is, with its gig economy and climate run by the rodeo of the Silicon Valley.

They are predatory organizations, as you've discovered.

If somebody says that they managed to get away with the art aspect without worrying about the business part, they are lucky amateurs.

Stay safe.

That time I got blocked on Habbo Hotel

I remember back, in 1999.

ASL? That was the age, sex and looking With regard to the early 2000s internet back then.

   Habbo Hotel website in December 2004 via the web design museum

That's what happens when you're a love struck teen back then, I got scammed, threw a tantrum then got blocked, not knowing right from wrong.

What was it? An automatic romance simulator with little cute clans by the name, along with pools being closed with suits. There were fashion shows and furniture games, role play simulation of live teen drama.

Those rote romance cues.

I was dragged and made into a boyfriend of loving cheap, digital furniture, then I lost a pound of its price, it was the currency at the time, enough to dupe the teens out of their wallets. Status affiliation for a price.

Then I was dragged into a double furni glitches room scam by those who didn't honor the deal, Tom Sawyesquese with shouting words of free furni. I dropped a matte and the proudly proclaimed I was scammed within a private room, kicking me out. It was at that time there was fraudsters and hit and runners who tour along the online wastes. People who'd do anything for a quick buck making money online.

As I lost it, I lost and did something I'm not particularly proud off, I should have had more details. It involves hating a Pokémon club I'll spare the details of gutter sniping.

Guttersniping it was, even as it was, was still a tantrum, when creating a noise was the case, the authorities did respond this time. I learned my lesson this time, even when the response rates and status roles are used against you for scamming, lashing out like that was uncivilized.

The horny habbo teen experience, it's what it is, so I had got mine and brought it along with adulthood, knowing naive youth could be easily manipulated, gatekeeperd and locked in, so that's the bittersweetness of it all.

Back when with the romantic pixels.

Two grandparents

2 min sketch, One of preperation.

Long car journeys. Car nausea that subsided due to the focusing of my attention towards the horizon.

They stand strong with trying to remember occurrences.

This trip towards the care home felt like another time period being visited, one with a record of Christian track being played with crackle. This is another realization that time is finite.

That bent back reminding me to do Romanian Deadlifts, that fading memory reminding me to keep up with my craft. Unsure if it's going to lead into another cycle for another year.

They don't know I'm trying to build an online presence. As an entertainet.

Grandma said, "Make the most of the time you have." Reminds me of this post about death.

This is the card I prepared.

These quickly sketchbook works are the use my weathered moleskin will do on this day. With a "See you next year" for the other time.

Silly Felt stocking

There's this felt stocking that was made back in the toddler days.

Reminds me of the joy of creation. Away from the internet and in the spirit. 

Made the mistake of sealing the top, then I'd done it to fit it on the bottom, instructions were repeated like a broken record as I happened to be made to sew. Within a plastic chair sitting without my brain unable to make sense of anything. Was that a bauble?

This was not like that sewing machine, covered in sewing stickers, this was a sewing needle.

What was made with pattern recognition, one that is with a mother and her child. It was too sharp, I complained, as I got a mild puncture. So this had to be washed. Eventually it was tied up and treated like as an ornament. There were candy hearts within it once, and the cheer of that brought it towards somewhere redundant. All the naive conceptions of not understanding the news was something.

In these moments of conception, it was merely a nice thing that could be given to others. It felt real with my healed hands. The felt forgave me as with the quick recovery.

Now I barely remember this as it hangs on the Christmas tree, a family album memento it was. Could of hidden in it through all these troubles now, yet no.

500 streaming bonaza.

500?? Why? Why. The tired must be there.

Another victory lap, this time it's with streaming. It's been sustainable since I've managed to do it with subjects I enjoy. The tension to perform to twitch algorithms designed to please the masses for advertisements was too much.

It did not feel as much as an overcommitment, rather as a low-effort thing that I was able to do. There was not much traffic though.

Funny how gamified twitch has become, with our own self-appointed brands the with the commercialism. All the lures it needs with the lottery winners on the front page. Another lottery, what a way to go.

Streaming more have made me more of a user than a product. This has to be treated as a business opportunity rather than a medium.

Won't count it as a lost day if I miss a day, though. This is more exhausting to raise the response rates.

Collapsed fence

Rough 10 min Trace from my smartphone.

The winds were fierce last week, causing something to make a fence collapse on my way to the gym.

Collapsed, meaningless walls, such as this with many forgotten details, there were so many cans of people who threw them over as this got over. It was a junkyard of mess, and there's a fence and crew now. The construction was saying that I was in the way.

It makes me wonder how I got back up from burnout and shouldn't put myself down despite other temptations, Them cans symbolizing the wreck and brought of many of the breaks that were taken at many of a night.

Everbody is too busy to see what an impact that has on ones own quality of life that burnout can do, and that's okay.

There's this self-deprecating bingo card that I noted with its ways for humor. Yet I can't blame myself fully now, it's all the wind with the market forces having its way with its hustle culture. That's merely what it means to make a comic.

Not worth it, with the market one could only make guesses and see what works as a business. Not my problem as the weather and the thing without autonomy does the act the way, only way is to jump back. It's all better now.

Autism self-identification Alex Comment

This made me think about my condition, hour, and ten min. It's a deep literary dive with continental philosophy. Sussy on Foucault, it sparked thoughts, though.

This wasn't a self diagnosis. My parents told me I was autistic, making me sheltered from the social constructed ontology of the placebo/nocebo state that it was in. So that I got a living based on that via my government.

It's all on that, couldn't imagine a life without it not, not sure if it's good if i had replaced that with hackneyed work rather than sheltered work. I guess it's for my own good.

Yet what for? Right now, when I scroll X/twitter, and stream on twitch, there's still pressure to compete for attention and shout. All for payment for direct response. To consume and hustle for a little mindless push.

Is that my autism, or is it something ingrained within all of us? We are goldmines. So skepticism is justified.

Like a mobile game developer trying to make their games more addictive to make an immeasurable result, they can't help it, they are on a hedonistic treadmill. So it helps to be more wary as we goes on.

Exploring 18+

The land of censored bars. I won't draw any explcit thumbnails.

There's something that happens when you do sexually explicit stuff, you can see the point of view from 18+ creator. It's a new world that is deemed “unprofessional” from the sfw space.

As I go, with my new roots on different side-gigs that I'm not going to include in my side tabs, it may be not worth publishing on these platforms yet. I run the risk of overshooting myself. This is a niche experiment.

Nothing has a lock on internet traffic here, nor should it. 

They create the placebo with the design of a relationship, of pleasure. The only way to relate fully is to do it yourself. As you've seen in the adult portion of my galleries. It's all self-indulgent.

Explicit stuff has its place in the market of attention and commerce. This is a read. Guess I'm okay, as Harlen is with Caligula.

This stuff was exposed through Spoony and Bennet the sage. The conversation of it being related to plot, character, and dialogue is a different matter entirely. Over spectacle and literary meaning.

Personal choice, one that is done with intent. Now, where are the boundaries and guardrails?

Oh, I'm going to have to rework my terms of service.

Artificial Sabbatical

Welcome artificial construct, have you AB tested today?

I'm worried to admit even this break from twitch feels artificial, that is following a new artifice. Raising the accursed average of the twitch viewing average by streaming less.

It's fakery, fakery to prove that prospective customers are there, the 'reach' for advertisers. Already we are products. I only wanted to support for my creative endeavours.

There is nothing creative about advertisement, that's the real customer this algorithm serves, the primary prospect. A direct advertisement that's clever in of itself rather than the art or 'product' the thing got serves ain't a call to action it's meant to be, and ceases to exist. Same notebook of the same thing, to maximize traffic (if that thing accomplishable.) Yet it is us that are made for the real advertisers running the show.

Thanks, I don't know what a where my heart is any more through these numbers and stats to prove attention has been paid.

Content music, (horror music that suggests suicide) It's off a mystery within the game I watched of getting locked within an apartment. It resonated.

Stumped insensitive obsessive

This non-sinecure professional pursuit, with a sustainable living in addition to keep this gift going, is the sustenance.

I'm not sure the insensitivity towards following a personal schedule of effective work making is the best thing I've seen. The way it could have done it was that it will work. How is this pressure to make something.

I remember a story my mother told me, around my childhood, that I had a stumped toe and I trudged away, The best way is that could be handled with me shrugging my shoulders. That did my way was work as I'm pushing forward. 

That's my high-functioning autism there (Asperger's syndrome), I don't know if it's a magical gift, you merely live it. Not knowing how it means to be neurotypical. My obsessiveness cannot serve me at the best of times.

Reminds me of an accident that I was sensitive to. Back in 1990's. I did not know what I was doing other than drawing with crayon sketches and cardboard creativity with couch cushions.

Was playing within a north English suburb as a toddler, there were these unpaved slabs by the garden. One of the fell on my right foot, that's the moment I cried my eyes out. Rushing in under my brother's legs as I closed in, having to break from my own jokester self. My foot was as purple as a Raisin as was in shock.

I watched that hacked show of Tom and Jerry. I watched it several times, in bed with the light going through the hospital ward. Feeling my prisoned foot if white bandages. Frozen in time at that time, so that's why my right toe got longer!

Then the cast happened, during the summer holidays since I didn't miss much school thankfully. Yet there was a cast, it had many signatures.

Only sudden sparks of pain like that can break from career aspirations now, this obsessiveness is only going to be neutral in character.

I'm not inspiration porn for my many years of burn out that I suffered, Never will be. I merely dabble in creativity, things that hard to advertise.

Hoisin duck fries and birthday sketch

Hoisin duck fries, Cappuccino and a caramel biscuit.

 

Did another birthday sketch, for DA. Out of lurking for several years and coming out.

Good enough, I hope. Did it within a 2 days.

When I'll stop doing this, according to Steven Pressfields standard, (cussing link) when it stops being fun.

Maybe I'll never be asked to do another birthday, deep in my soul, did I really do it for a direct advertising return? No, I did at a whim of a bara artist that I lurked within my twenties and kept at it, this is my thanks that I managed, A little messy yet it's out there. The message of a horned couch went through.

Blender Sketch-up Amateur Dance

Decided to land in Blender to make assets for my comic, then I failed, failed a lot, finding a successful model within to use within my comic project. In sketch up or in blender.

Wow, it's so nice to see you again, imposter syndrome! Come and take a seat I've prepared coffee with my cream soda, I've put my 2d art making skills aside to explore your 3d making.

To swim amongst the democraticization of knowlede and curate snippets to make the thing in the head real, humph! Thats the process of the auto-didact.

Is this necessary for this learning to happen? 2d artists have done fine without it, making constraints. Now I'm fiddling with homebuilder, arichimesh and an asset library for a possible visualization of my background.

Are these illusions of agreement, means of agreement that get in the way I don't have a celebrity or high status to ask for help, nor should I.

The only this that can be given is a commitment, the play, and anxiety are part of the package.

When a decision of dropping the pretence and getting real with either one is.

My blueprint and visualisation

Lantern parade reflections

It certainly was an event, I must confess. My obsessiveness of a professional schedule to build my body of work had me wrapped up. I lied last time and did not come, yet family here comes first. All this streaming and social media work really is a crap shoot of a competitive attention environment compared to the memories I could have made.

Luckily, I rescheduled for the irl fun, it meant something this time.

There was a cold, sneezing as I was working on a small scene, formatted within a two-page comic format. It was a journey to make me experience time differently from this professional pursuit of my ideas.

Is this what has come of me, all this time now, with my pursuit. We didn't have the pursuit back in the Stone Age, since industrialization we've been pushed, continuously, to create and compete.

These moments are where we contemplate time all forevermore.

This is the lantern i carried, premade.

There was a walk on a football field and rive behind the pubs, with plenty of old projects behind the trees.

Buttered potatoes, three in a small cartoon. Bringing this  event to a close.